Entropy

Today is in fact April fools and has been a rather dull one for me, other than my girlfriend managing to trick me, it was just a regular day. For anyone that is interested, here is a link to the story behind April Fools as well as some links for you to enjoy.

Digg Joke, Top 100 Hoaxes of all time, Google Earth Aliens, Jokes for the office

As well as the drama the Gmail hoax started.

With it being the Easter weekend you may as well buy something that is at the very least bunny/egg related. Here’s a Top 7 list of what to exchange if Easter was like Christmas and people had the urge to buy me things.

#7 - Domo-kun

Something Domo-kun related. If you don’t know who/what Domo-kun is, he is the mascot of  Japanese T.V. station and an internet icon in a sense. It is said he magically hatched from an egg, and that is Eastery enough for me. Featured in an image chasing kittens, I have always wanted my own Domo-kun to remind everyone of the consequences. You can find a wide range of Domo-Kun merchandise over at Hot Topic

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Stand tall gentlemen, for today, we fight back. Long has the irritating staple thief cube neighbour irritated you, or worse, have you been the brunt of  office pranks in the past? Well today it’s time to take up arms (toys really.. but they’re bad..) and retaliate - with the top 10 cube warfare devices!

Number 10 : The MegaZooka

Blast the smirk of your office mates face with the completely terrifying upgrade to the well known Airzooka by firing out a blast of air the like of which no man has ever seen before! The MegaZooka will blast an air BFG shell up to “20 feet at unsuspecting targets”.

Unfortunately this has ranked reasonably low on our list, as while the site boasts its awesome fear-i-tude (its a word), we find it rather unstealthy and every true office warrior knows stealth is key to victory.

• Distance: 20 feet
• Stealth: Very Poor
• Intimidation: Strong
• Awesome: Strong

Number 9: TagBall

Its imported, its got an age restriction and it requires safety goggles. This bad boy is essentially a velcro (hook and loop - what ??) firing paintball gun that comes backing 21 shells of embarresment ready to be released onto your opponents unstealthy corduroy pants causing the ultimate shame. Get a couple of these suckers and your office will be like Iraq in no time.

Unfortunately this little device (whilst requiring an 18 over badge and goggles) doesn’t really seem that diabolical. My office is certainly capable of far more pain inducing weapons as it is already, and so we continue on our quest for number 1.

• Distance: 30 feet
• Stealth: Reasonable
• Intimidation: Reasonable
• Awesome: Medium

Number 8: Wooden War Engine Kits

Old school is cool - everybody knows this. Retaliating against a BB-gun with a working Trebuchet firing large rounds of pet faeces 20 feet is also cool. This make-it-yourself kit comes virtually done (aside from construction) and includes a fully working 20 foot shooting trebuchet and 10 foot firing ballista.

A definate plus to this is that with some modification and special attention to detail you could get more bang for your buck than your silly cube neighbours who purchase the same goods. There’s an oppurtunity to shine here - but unfortunately its only so bright as to reach 20 feet … I almost sad smiley’d there.

• Distance: 20 feet
• Stealth: Poor
• Intimidation: Above Average
• Awesome: Above Average

Number 7:  Marshmallow Assault Rifle

Pay careful attention to the unusual double-barrel look of this Marshmallow Assault Rifle. Any real gamer knows the most awesome thing to strap to your gun (aside from a silencer) is a grenade launcher and this baby has one. The bottom “tube” if you will, can fire a magazine of 12 mini marshmallows at office mates whilst the top one can launch a full sized marshmellow projectile 20 feet at non-lethal velocity. Clearly this is not a stealthy device, but if you’ve ever stepped on a twig you’ll need a backup plan for when things get bloody, and this is it.

Again though, this savage device fires a maximum of 20 feet. This severely limits your stealth capabilities (as compared with a marshmallow sniper rifle), but as described you need a backup plan especially in close combat cubical warfare.

• Distance: 20 feet
• Stealth: Poor
• Intimidation: Very Strong
• Awesome: Above Average

Number 6: The Marshmallow Blaster

Or as I like to call it, the Marshmallow Sniper Rifle. This bad boy is able to fire full sized projectiles a full 40 feet, or what we like to call “The Cubical Stealth Spread”. 40 feet from a victim who’s just recently defecated in their pants is ample to make a getaway. This “Bazooka of Bite-Sized Bonbons” is also capable of being loaded up with mini mallows and firing a Dick Cheney styled shotgun blast to the face.  Do not underestimate the crap-yourself-i-tude (again, a word) of this weapon.

• Distance: 40 feet
• Stealth: Great
• Intimidation: Strong
• Awesome: Strong

Number 5: The USB Webcam Rocket Launcher

Its a webcam, strapped onto a Nerf Dart firing missle launcher that looks a lot like something out of Command and Conquer. Clearly this thing is legit. Take FULL control of the missle launcher, rotating it, pivoting it, gaining your aim on your coworkers bosses genitalia. This scores high because of its obvious awesome factor - you can control a SAM site…

However, its lower range (15 feet) and USB requirement (bluetooth or wireless would make this deadly) means its hard to hide and after its first use is pretty much a loss. You can alternatively put this on display, proudly, in the center of the office letting everyone know -you are in control (and have no hobbies).

• Distance: 15 feet
• Stealth: Poor
• Intimidation: Strong
• Awesome: Strong

Number 4: The Sonic Grenade

I shout it all the time, but I suppose its fair to say you don’t often get to shout FLASHBANG and hit the floor. Well now you do. As all men should.

The sonic grenade is a pin-activated throwable hard rubber grenade that lets out a banshees wail until the pin is put back in. Rapel down the outside of your building and lob this into the second floor and no one will know whats hit them - there is almost no way to stop this bad boy once its gone off. Also lets not forget, when someone does go through your lunch box and finds a hand grenade in it..

• Distance: The entire damn department
• Stealth: Medium
• Intimidation: Strong
• Awesome: Strong

Number 3: R/C Shock Tanks

I debated putting this in at all. Its not stealthy, it requires arranging it with the enemy… its like war in the 1800’s. However, it releases a damaging electric current through your opponents body whenever you defeat them, letting you show the office that you are the one.

The just of this is that its two remote controlled tanks with laser cannons strapped on them. If you strike your opponent they receive a sharp shock through the controller. A half hour and I’m sure you could strap it to something else and make this a real mans game…

• Distance: Irrelevant
• Stealth: Irrelevant
• Intimidation: Medium
• Awesome: Strong

Number 2: Nerf Maverik

I love this gun, I’ll just come out and say it. Its a hand gun, that fires six nerf darts with suction. “The Nerf Maverick is the pinnacle of single hand Nerf Weapons Technology. Load the six foam darts into the barrel, give it a spin, and click it back into place. This is the six shooter of the future! Lock and load.”

If you were paying attention, you’d know it has a six shooter style loading mechanism which also means this is available for Cube-Russian-Roulette. The winning factor for me with this gun is that you can always be prepared. Keep this puppy in a shoulder holster and watch the amazement when you whip it out to defend your claim to the last candy bar in the vending machine.

You can also get upgrade packs - “Each Tactical Light/Refill Pack comes with a Green, Rail Mounted, Tactical light (3 AAA - not included) and 10 micro darts. ” A laser sight. That’s right.

• Distance: 15 feet
• Stealth: Poor
• Intimidation: Medium
• Awesome: Strong

Number 1: The Firewheel Rubberband Gun

How did a rubber band gun get to position 1? This is no ordinary gun. Load a face-twanging 10 bands a at a time and choose between a rate of fire from 0 to “extremely high” with this RGB gatling gun. Switch modes and fire them all like a shotgun, or accurately fire of burst shots.

This is the save your life when the **** hits the fan gun. Its not about stealth, its not about looks - its about taking your opponent down first.

• Distance: 6 feet
• Stealth: Poor
• Intimidation: Medium
• Awesome: Strong